Shit is about to get REAL.

Well well well... look what we have here. An abandoned blog. Seeing as how I'm on the cusp of spitting out yet ANOTHER child I thought maybe I should get you guys up to speed. 

Remember me?! I'm the girl that used to hang out, be somewhat fashionable, smart, funny and down to have a good time?! Yeah, I remember her too. Now I'm the super-patient, let's grab coffee "sometime"- Human Spitrag. I know, that sounds like I'm complaining, but in a really sick way, I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I miss hanging out and being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, but damnit, Vanson has turned me into this flimsy pile of mushy emotion that can magically change into hardened steel at a moments notice if he needs protection. 

Seriously, I am ruined.

Forever.

This past year and a half has brought a lot of change, a lot of learning, a lot of growing pains, ups and downs. We were surprised to learn about another baby on the way and I have to be honest, I've had very mixed feelings about it the whole time. I'll do my best to explain...

Fuck man! We just got into a really sweet schedule with Vanson!! He's gotten a little more predictable, I've chilled out a bit, and WHAM-0! 

Whatever. At least the PTSD from the first isn't completely gone yet.

HOORAY.

(note the period instead of exclamation point)

I think the thing that has made me the most sad is I feel bad about having to share time between two little people now instead of concentrated time with just Vanson. For some strange reason part of me feels guilty about that. (I'm not even Catholic, but I have all of this crazy guilt for some really stupid reason) -And not just in this case... I feel guilty about all kinds of stupid shit that I shouldn't. 

W.T.F.

Sorry, it's easy to get side tracked because when I get time all to myself I sort of freak out a little bit and don't know what to do, so everything ends up being half-thoughts and buckshot approach. If that makes any sense to you... 

Another part of me is nervous that I'm not a good enough mom to juggle two little people at the same time. Here's a shocker: I'm hard on people. Just ask my poor husband. As much as I'm hard on other people though, I'm even harder on myself. The pressure I put on myself, I can't believe I haven't turned myself or those closest to me into diamonds. 

See these? They used to be people. 

I think the other reason I'm a little nervous or apprehensive is basic fear of the unknown. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to meet her, I'm excited to have a baby girl, it's been AWESOME being able to actually nest! I got her room all ready, and I've bought all of the Hand Sanitizer from Battle Ground Fred Meyer... -I explained to the poor check out person a baby was on the way and they politely smiled and nodded and... kept their distance. I can't even begin to express how much better this pregnancy has been merely because WE ALREADY LIVE IN THE HOUSE WE'RE GOING TO LIVE IN! We don't have to move the day after we get out of the hospital! YAY!!!! I have taken full advantage of that fact too, as evidenced by Harlow's "Old Hollywood" - inspired room. 

Isn't it sickening?

Hormones. I tell ya.

But I LOVE it!! squeeeee!!!! 

So, it's not all terrible. I think I'm just a little apprehensive. A friend of mine sent an amazing email to me basically saying, there will be times you feel like just the "help", the maid, the worker, but that will all pass. She explained the resentment of feeling "stuck" chained to a tiny, needy, whiny human while Kris might take Vanson to the park or outside or just play the guitar with him is normal and will also pass. Her email made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. I still worry if I'll be a good enough mom between the two, but hearing that someone else felt not that great the second time around made me feel a little less apprehensive. 

Welp, time to move on to the next worry... How do I balance being a good mom AND oh yeah, that's right, I'm a WIFE too! ... 

Down with the Sickness

Howdy there from the City of Townsville! Another beautiful day out here in the boonies...

I was headed out of here for a doctor's appointment yesterday and saw two cops pulled a pickup truck over. As I got closer I noticed they were just shootin' the shit. Probably catching up with 'ol Cooter about how his wife/sister is doing... My first thought was "Commit All The Crimes!!!!!" -The force is busy!!!

This town is just big enough for the 2 of 'em.

Anyway, back to the doctor... Toot is sick. Fevers, diarrhea, tons of secretions from his nose and mouth. I feel bad for him. The first fever scared me because his little legs were mottled and his feet were white with no capillary refill. So we headed to Urgent Care (which was closed) sigh. So we headed to the Emergency Department. I gave him Tylenol before we left and of course he perked right up. Was awful to see a tiny little bracelet on his chunky wrist though. They gave me a bracelet too, to go with him I guess. The doc did a physical exam and of course he was being his attractive little self and she said go home. Before she said go home though, she offered to do a blood test and to straight cath him for urine. We declined. So then the next day, high fever again. First night was 102.7, second day was 102.4, so I called our doc's office. They wanted to see us. So, off we go again to make the drive to Portland for the doctor. (We need to find a Pediatrician at Salmon Creek) - Anyway, another physical exam and they say the picture looks viral. We all know what that means, Symptom Management. Kills me to hear him all junky, but thankfully, today he has eaten better and has been smiling. Can't wait for him to be 100% again. Also, can I just say it felt SO damn good to rock him to sleep last night. 

My sick little Toot.

On a lighter note, we got a land line. I feel so 80's! I was geekin' out excited to pick out a phone! We've only had three calls so far and we've had the phone for like a week. One call was from our Cable company, another was a wrong number, and the other a telemarketer. I sort of feel like a badass because I can honestly say I am strong enough to tear our phone book in half... 

Thats our phone book on the left. It includes the white and yellow pages. 

The time is fast approaching for us to start building our garden boxes in the front yard. I'm excited to be able to eat vegetables out of our yard! I hope Toot likes to garden as he grows bigger. I'll be posting about it, and I welcome advice and comments, as I've never done anything like this before! I'm sure it'll take some trial and error. Especially with me. I'm no gardner. 

Well, back to Toot. I'm excited for this nasty virus to get the hell out of this house. 

Wearing daddy's fire fighter hat.

<3

Oh! Did I mention while Toot is busy peeing and pooing like crazy our washing machine has turned into a home made time machine? 

sigh.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack

Wow, it's been quite a while since I've been inspired to write at all. My small nuclear family and myself have been through a bit of a transition and I am just now beginning to feel like myself again. I feel as though I can reflect a little bit at this point more honestly and get a move on with the future. Having a baby is like getting an Atom bomb dropped on your world.

What just happened?

For the first few months, I truly felt like a shell-shocked soldier wandering through this fake nightmare. 

Is this how its going to be forever now?

I have to admit, becoming a mom was really cool, but it was hard getting used to it, along with adjusting to our new location in the country. I think becoming parents was hard to adjust to for both myself and my husband. But FINALLY, that Atom bomb looks more like this:

YAY!!!

I think one of the big hurtles to get over was the dreaded kitchen remodel. I won't spend a lot of time on this, but here is the before and after. If you're in the market for a remodel, may I suggest Diox Ua LLC. Great experience with a very talented designer / architect. 

before

after

With that said, lets move on.

I didn't think I would love living in the City of Townsville, but it recently snowed out here and man, was it beautiful. I happened to have a bunch of days off in a row, so I got to batten down the hatches and hang with my little man, my hooligans, and my husband. It was quiet, and pretty, and people in these parts got out their snowmobiles and had some fun! 

I had Pandora on the Christmas station.

Part of our front yard.

Outside the french doors in our bedroom.

Part of our property in the back.

Needless to say Toot and I took advantage of the snow and went for a walkabout almost everyday. I dropped my phone in the snow back there and had quite a work out trying to retrieve it. What do you know? A bag of rice really works. My phone was in the snow for 2 hours and its alive to tell the tale! I really wanted to build an inappropriate snowman, but the snow melted quick. It only stuck around for a few days. Next year. 

Damnit Mom! 

That's better.

So, with all that said, here is the beginning of a new chapter in the blog saga. This time, I will be posting about our projects on our little property, the fucked up shit I see in the City of Townsville, adjusting to life out here vs. Urban Life, and everything in between. 

Here's to being happy :)